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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990017">Just One-Part II</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chimerical1975/pseuds/Chimerical1975'>Chimerical1975</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The X-Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, F/M, Romance, Trust Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:00:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990017</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chimerical1975/pseuds/Chimerical1975</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The case of Leonard Betts brings devastation to Mulder &amp; Scully. But in their future lies a series of events that will severely test each independent soul and threaten their attempts to merge two lives into one. The trilogy of stories begins in the Winter of 1996, following Paper Hearts and into the spring through Leonard Betts, Never Again, and Demons.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fox Mulder/Dana Scully</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Just One-Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Chimerical1975@gmail.com<br/>Comments, questions, discussion, and criticisms always welcome.<br/>Originally Published: March, 1998<br/>The X-Files, its characters and situations are the property of 1013 Productions and Fox Broadcasting.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>FBI Headquarters<br/>
January 1997</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"All of this because I didn't get you a desk?"</p>
<p>"Not everything is about you, Mulder. This is my life."</p>
<p>"Yes, but it's..." Mulder's voice trailed off as he realized the futility of his efforts to reach her. As they sat through a painfully long and uncomfortable silence, Scully looked down at the dried rose petal she held in her hand, the same one she'd left on his desk when she'd left for Philadelphia just a few days before. As she did so, Mulder studied her downcast posture and the hard set of her mouth, so different from the lips that had so warmly responded to his touch on a night some two weeks ago.</p>
<p>He'd felt closer to her that evening than he ever had before. Closer than he'd felt with anyone ever before. But it hadn't been just him though; Scully had sensed the change too and, in that moment, they'd acquiesced to the shared sweet feeling with a single kiss. That was all, just one. But it had been enough to give him hope for the future. But since then, things had changed radically somehow. Right at this moment Scully was as closed off to him as she'd ever been. Granted, he hadn't helped matters when he'd walked in the door this morning. His flippant, sarcastic comments had been intended to goad her and they'd done their job well. </p>
<p>It has all gone off- kilter, even for them. She'd tossed up a barrier between them. She'd lost interest in the work, and began dismissing cases with belittling sarcasm or outright derision. Never overly open about what she was feeling, she deflected any of his attempts to find out what was bothering her and the phrase, "Nothing's wrong, I'm fine" became his most hated words in the universe. Tense words had passed between them just before she'd gone off to Philadelphia when he was forced out on vacation--she'd been cold and argumentative for days and he'd angrily baited her in return and they'd left each other on a sour note.</p>
<p>Feeling bad about that, he'd called her on his way to Tennessee but was only able to leave a voice mail. He'd called her again in Philadelphia only to discover she'd wrapped up the case and had a date that night. Stunned hardly was the word for what he'd felt as she hung up on him. And to make matters worse, and even though he felt like an ass for doing it, he'd called her again at her hotel early the next morning--only to discover she wasn't there.</p>
<p>When he finally discovered all that had happened in Philadelphia, his emotions were completely disordered. He was grateful beyond reason that she was alive. He was jealous of Ed Jerse--jealous that she'd reached out to a stranger rather than himself. And mostly, he was angry that she'd distanced herself from him so thoroughly. And this morning he took some of that out on her.</p>
<p>And now it was on the verge of escalating into something ugly that they could never take back unless one of them stopped it right now. Unless one of them opened the communication dialog between them again. He looked up from the spot he'd been staring at on his desk and met her gaze. As she stared at him with resolutely cool eyes, he saw clearly that it wasn't going to be her. Since he'd flung the last sarcastic volley, he started to apologize.</p>
<p>"Scully, look, I'm sorr--"</p>
<p>"Mulder, I have some lab work I need to finish, I’ll be back later."  With that curt response, Scully stood and left the office, slightly slamming the door behind her.</p>
<p>For a moment, Mulder stared in open-mouthed shock at the closing door. He rose from his desk and slammed a file drawer shut, feeling a kind of satisfaction at the noise and violence of the gesture. Angry, hurt and confused, he stood alone in the middle of their office, hands on hips still looking at the doorway, half-way expecting her to come back, half-way hoping she never did. What was going on here?</p>
<p>He shook his head slowly, trying to get past the anger as he took deep breaths and calmed down. He was pissed off at her to be sure; he hated the thought of her being with Ed Jerse. He hated that she had shut him out. But indulging that anger wasn't going to fix this. He couldn't honestly stand there and say he'd never left her behind, shut her out or behaved in some completely aberrant manner without explanation. He didn't like the feeling.</p>
<p>He sighed deeply and wondered what course to take as his eyes closed and his head dropped forward. The emotional gap between them had narrowed to a mere heartbeat after the Roche case. And now it had suddenly ripped wide open. It was now to the point where he felt he could hardly see her anymore because she stood so far away. What happened? It had to be fixed except this time, instead of her chasing him down to hell and back, this time it was going to be him. And he was fine with that. Something was deeply troubling her and he wanted her to feel like she could tell him what it was.</p>
<p>Mulder somehow knew that their brief shared moment of indulgence few weeks ago wasn’t at the heart of her reasons for turning away from him now. Even though they hadn't spoken of it since, he knew that she didn't regret it. When they'd met in office the following morning, she'd smiled beguilingly at him. They hadn't spoken of the kiss, but for the next few days they invaded each other's personal space whenever they could, found reasons to be close to the other and even something as simple as passing a pen became an opportunity to tease. It became a game of subtle foreplay one-upmanship that abruptly halted when they'd. But then they had gotten involved in the strange case of Leonard Betts and then this Philadelphia thing and as usual, all things personal were put aside for the work.</p>
<p>No, it was something else that had driven her from the game. Completely. And with no explanation. </p>
<p>Something was deeply wrong for it wasn't that she'd backed away from him, she'd also seemed to have lost all interest in the work. The same work that had taken over her life as it had taken over his; this was a shared obsession now. Or at least it had been, now he wasn't so sure. Following the Betts case, she was cool, distant, even belligerent on occasion. She was gone from his side long before Philadelphia.</p>
<p>Now he couldn't honestly stand there and say he'd never left her behind, shut her out, or behaved in some completely aberrant manner without explanation. And when he'd done so, Scully had always waited him out, chased him down, or pushed at him until him until he came back to her, until he explained. But certainly, Scully had been known to hide her own feelings, hide what she determined to be a personal weakness from him. </p>
<p>Mulder shook his head at the closed door between them. He would give her the time she apparently needed to be angry with him and then try again. He just hadn't yet discovered what it was that was eating at her, but he would. So far in his life, he'd proven to be pathetic at keeping what was dear to him close. He'd almost lost her once, he sure as hell wasn't going to lose her again. He'd made a resolution in his heart that he would be there when she ever needed him. She'd given him a glimpse of her heart recently, he knew how she felt. Just as he knew that she was worth fighting for. </p>
<p>He sat back down at his desk, he had a major budget report that was due tomorrow, their twice-annual existence justification and so he began to fill his time with number and data as he waited for his partner to come back to the office…Back into his life. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>
Out in the hallway, Scully leaned back against the door she'd just closed on Mulder, quite literally shutting him away from her. She heard Mulder slam the file drawer shut, and for just a crazy second, she thought that Mulder might follow her into the hall. But he didn't so she walked quickly down the hall, heading to the labs in the other building. </p>
<p>What she'd said to Mulder as her reason for leaving wasn't exactly a lie. Tomorrow was the day she and Mulder would have to justify keeping the X-Files alive to the appropriations committee, who saw little value in Spooky Mulder and his one-promising colleague. </p>
<p>Mulder sarcastically referred to it as, "Show and Tell Day."  In reality, it was grueling meeting that lasted for hours where she and Mulder had to report on all the cases they'd worked on and solved. Mulder's half of the presentation concerned all the psychological matters and the human elements, while her half consisted of the scientific foundations and lab results for their conclusions. The fact that their resolution rate was as high as it was made the job slightly easier, but they were still more closely watched than most, had to justify more than most. She and Mulder were constantly aware than any excuse would do to shut them down again and they always prepared well for this day.</p>
<p>Except now, for the first time, she wasn't going to be there. The truth was, she'd forgotten all about Show and Tell until she'd glanced at her calendar that morning. And worse, she hadn't prepared for it. Now she would have and she had to make sure that all her reports were in order, all her exhibits and facts were straight. She had to do all this because that for Mulder because he was going to have to present her part of the report on his own. She would miss this meeting, and maybe all the others that may come after it.</p>
<p>She dreaded telling Mulder later today that she wasn't going to be there. The X-Files were his life and as much as he detested it, this was an important day for him. It was an important for her because this work had taken over her life as well. But she knew after her behavior over the past weeks he would surely view her absence as a desertion--Not that she could blame him for that assumption. She'd done little to make him believe otherwise.</p>
<p>Scully entered the lab and sat down at the little desk she used when she worked there and began to pull up her notes and tried to bring them into some semblance of order. She kept detailed, well-organized records, but even so, a report of this size and this importance should have been started days ago. She'd let this slip.</p>
<p>But then again, she reminded herself bitterly, what did it really matter in the end?</p>
<p>This was not the turn of events she'd anticipated in her life at this moment. Just weeks ago, she'd been blissful. It sounded so damn sappy to her now, but she'd never been more sweetly content in her life as when she and Mulder had moved that next step closer. She'd fooled herself, she let herself imagine and hope like some mushy teenager. </p>
<p>And then, just a few days later she'd crossed paths with Leonard Betts. </p>
<p>Suddenly she heard his voice in her head again, the same voice that had haunted her nights and kept her from sleeping.</p>
<p>"You've got something I need."</p>
<p>Remembering Betts' words chilled her and she closed her eyes against them. She hadn't told Mulder what Betts had said to her and for a while she'd even managed to push them away in her conscious mind even as they invaded her nightmares. But she now knew the cause of the nosebleeds she'd been having, the dull headaches, blurry vision, loss of appetite, fatigue, the overwhelming sense that something was just not right with her body. All the things she'd been attributing to stress when she knew the truth. Tomorrow was her appointment for the battery of tests that would finalize the exact nature of these symptoms, but in her heart, she knew what the results would be--just as Leonard Betts had known.</p>
<p>She's spoken to no one about her fears. Her father was dead, her mother still mourning her sister, and her brothers were far away. Besides, the only one she really wanted to talk to was Mulder. He was the one whose words, presence, and comfort she wanted. Needed.</p>
<p>But she couldn't talk to him. In fact, during the past few weeks, it hurt even to look at him. Every time she looked at him, she saw what she might lose. The life she might have had with him; partner, friend, lover. A future that she might not be a part of now. Irrationally, she was even angry with Mulder, for he'd caused her to lose her heart to him, he'd caused her to hope and imagine. Would this hurt less if she loved him less? </p>
<p>For the past two weeks, she'd been consumed by a victim's rage, helpless against an unseen intruder. She'd been so angry at the future possibilities being taken from her. Angry at the realization that all her work, all her knowledge, all her plans, even all her hopes could just cease as though they'd never even existed.</p>
<p>Darkness settled over her and a deep melancholy at the unfairness of it all nagged at her. Depression caused her to question the futility of every moment she was awake. Why continue with such folly, why continue to hope, why even continue to work if it was all going to go away, be taken from her? There was a very serious and very real possibility that she had no future at all. Not with Mulder, not with the X-files, not even with herself.</p>
<p>They'd argued the day before she'd left for Philadelphia. Mulder had been agitated about her obvious lack of interest in the work and her distance to him. She'd tried to stay him off; she wasn't ready to give voice to her suspicions and fears and what she'd said had sounded rambling and unfocused even to her. He had every right to be confused.</p>
<p>This was the mood she was in the days before Mulder sent her to Philadelphia, this was the mood she was in when she met Ed Jerse, when she got drunk and got a tattoo. This was the mood she was in when she'd gone back to a stranger's apartment, thinking that she had only the present to live in and no hope in future plans or heart's wishes.</p>
<p>Nothing in her life had been right when she'd left for Philadelphia and then, incredibly, it had gotten even worse. At the hospital a CAT scan, taken because of the blows to her head that she'd received from Ed Jerse, confirmed what she'd already really known all along - an abnormality was there. The extent and nature of which would require further tests they told her. She'd simply had them send the results to her own doctor back home, and left Philadelphia, pretending all the while to Mulder that she was fine.</p>
<p>Mulder had cut short his vacation and flown to Philadelphia to bring her home and when he'd walked in the door the concern in his face was clear. She'd assured him that she'd only had the exterior cuts and bruises that he could see. Once he'd been persuaded that she was all right, a quietness had settled over him - a quietness that she knew so well. She knew the Police had filled him in on the surface circumstances of the case and had answered all the surface questions. But when Mulder looked at her, she saw other questions in his eyes, questions he didn't ask.</p>
<p>Until this morning.</p>
<p>Scully knew his heart; she knew how he felt about her even if the words hadn't been spoken. It was the same as she felt for him. </p>
<p>But now, she wondered what was the point of going forward with something that could only end so badly. How could she take from him knowing she had nothing to give in return, no better life to offer him. In the end, she was just going to end up being another person who left him. Why in God's name would he ever want to put himself through all that. She couldn't ask him to.</p>
<p>She had no illusion that she would be able to keep the news of her illness from him, she would have to tell him. But it was best if they didn't move any closer. Better for him, she told herself. But in the moments when she was still honest with herself, she knew that it was really her own heart she was protecting. It was her heart that couldn't withstand the thought of being separated from him.</p>
<p>So, she'd kept him at a distance. And because he didn't understand, this rejection, he reacted defensively, this morning he'd baited her deliberately. And with her words this morning, she might as well have reached over and slapped him across the face, the hurt in eyes wouldn't have been any less.</p>
<p>Oh God Mulder, I'm so sorry, she thought as she braced her head on her hands, feeling confusion and shame, even as she longed for him. I’m sorry for both of us.</p>
<p>She took deep breaths and fought to regain her control; She had work to do, a task at hand. The best she could do for Mulder this minute was to ensure that this report was in order and above reproach. She had to make sure that the work that was his life could go on even if he might have to continue this journey alone.</p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>By the end of the day, she was exhausted, physically, and mentally. But the report was finally done. She'd worked all day on it stopping only long enough to force herself to eat a brief lunch and then later to change into the more comfortable clothes she kept in her locker for when she had to work in the lab. Freeing herself from the restraints of pantyhose, sensible shoes and being tucked in helped her to concentrate on the task because her mind kept wandering as she went over the cases and memories they evoked.</p>
<p>The forced concentration of the work and her emotional state had left her deeply weary but the report was perfect. All Mulder would have to do is hand out copies and answer questions, which he could easily do. During their years together, he'd become well-versed in pathology just as she'd become similarly skilled in psychology. Now all she had to do now was tell him she wouldn't be there tomorrow. That of course, was going to be a hell of a lot tougher than putting the report together.</p>
<p>Steeling herself, she dialed the office number and got the answer machine. Glancing at the clock she realized it was after 8 pm, so she dialed his cell phone.</p>
<p>"Mulder."</p>
<p>At the sound of his voice, she hesitated and struggled to get hold of her emotions.</p>
<p>"Scully?"  Mulder questioned into the silence.</p>
<p>She cleared her throat. "Yeah, Mulder, it's me."</p>
<p>"Where are you?"</p>
<p>"I'm in the lab, Mulder. Where are you?"</p>
<p>"I'm in my car heading home, I just left the office about five minutes ago..."  As he trailed off, Scully heard a downcast tone in his voice and knew that he'd waited all day for her to back to the office. "Why are you still there?" he asked.</p>
<p>"I was finishing up the report for tomorrow - I wanted to make sure it was right, because..."  She paused, the plowed ahead. "Mulder,  I...I've had something come up. I can't be at the meeting tomorrow. You'll have to give my half of the presentation too."  There was long deadly silence and she struggled to fill it. "I'll leave my report on your desk, it's all in order, you won't have any trouble with it."</p>
<p>"Scully...." he started and then lapsed back into silence. She closed her eyes and waited for the questions and the justified anger at this last-minute surprise. But after a moment she heard him taking a deep breath, and an exhale like a sad resigned sigh. His voice was calm, rational. "Scully, can you bring it by my place on your way home? --I'd like to at least read it over a few times before I have to present it in the morning."</p>
<p>To her surprise, that was the only question he asked of her, and it most definitely wasn't the response she had braced for and had anticipated all day. He should be angry, why wasn't he angry - She knew that on some level she actually needed Mulder to be angry with her to maintain this distance between them. What he asked was a perfectly reasonable request, but she wavered. The thought of being alone with him right now was unnerving and yet at the same time she wanted so much to be in his company, even if only for a few minutes, she wanted it so much. </p>
<p>"Scully," he said softly, lightly, sensing her hesitation, but misunderstanding her reasons for it “I'm not gonna yell at you. I know you wouldn't miss that meeting unless you had to." There was a pause and then he added, "you don't need to be afraid."</p>
<p>The soothing tone in his voice beckoned to her and she caved in to it. "I should be finished up here in about a half-hour, I'll come right there."</p>
<p>"Fine. I'll order a pizza and you can teach me how to pretend to be you tomorrow."  Then she heard a quiet laugh in his voice. "But I refuse to wear the high-heels," he said as he hung up.</p>
<p>Scully couldn't help but smile as she hung up the phone and for just a minute, things were as they usually were between them. But then she remembered that they weren't and that they might not ever be the same</p>
<p>She needed to be strong tonight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>When Scully got to his apartment, she was surprised to see his front door slightly ajar. She pushed on it slightly. "Mulder?" she called.</p>
<p>Getting no answer, she stepped just inside and called his name again. Still no answer. As she glanced around, she saw that the lights were on and that he'd actually cleaned the place. The TV was off, the stereo was playing and, in the kitchen, there was a pizza sitting on the counter, the delicious smell wafting over to her. It was all so warm and inviting. And suddenly, she knew what he was doing, knew what effort he was making and it nearly broke her heart.</p>
<p>"Scully - hi," came the sound of Mulder's voice from behind her in the hallway. She turned to see him standing there, waiting for her to move so he could enter the apartment. "I was just down the hall at the trash bin."</p>
<p>Scully moved aside as Mulder brushed past her, closing the door behind him. "Here's the report, Mulder," she said as she walked over and laid it on the coffee table, trying to be brisk and efficient. And then get the hell out.</p>
<p>"Thanks. Here, let me get your coat," he said as he came up behind her and started to slide her coat off her shoulders.</p>
<p>"Mulder, I've got to go...."</p>
<p>"No, you don't," Mulder said easily as he removed her coat and hung it on the rack before she could get her next sentence out. He turned back to her, now smiling a bit. "You don't have anywhere to go any more than I needed to read that report tonight, I already know it's perfect. So come on, sit down, and eat. I want to talk to you."</p>
<p>Scully tried to hold her ground, bristling at his presumptuous tone. "Mulder what's going on?"</p>
<p>"Dinner, Scully," Mulder answered, as gestured to the pizza, That's all. Dinner and conversation."</p>
<p>She made another attempt at coolness and control. "I don't want any conversation, Mulder. I told you this morning--It's my life," she turned to bush by him to leave.</p>
<p>Mulder reached out as she brushed past him and caught her arm gently, slowing her progress but not stopping her. "Scully, hold on… please". There was pain his tone and she froze in place at the sound. She turned back to him, her bluster fading fast as she stared at her feet. A moment's silence and his hand slid from her elbow down to grasp onto her fingers. His voice was whisper as he leaned toward her, "Scully, where ever this journey of yours is taking you...Whatever it is…you don't have to go it alone."</p>
<p>Oh God. He had no idea what he was offering to her or how much she wanted to take it. "I've always gone it alone, Mulder, I don't know any other way to be."</p>
<p>There was no mistaking the despondency in her voice; it hit Mulder like a physical blow, because it was a sound he'd never heard from her before. As he looked at her downcast face, he saw the truth and realized that the woman he thought was the most confident and self-assured person he'd ever met was, at this moment, scared, lonely, lost. The realization shocked him, and his aggravation melted as hers had.</p>
<p>He stepped close and leaned towards her until they were almost at eye level. "You don't have to go it alone," he said again, his voice low and deadly serious. "But you do have to let me come with you” Mulder paused as she finally looked up at him, then away, her eyes shining. "And no Scully, it's not just your life any more than my own has been just mine since you walked into that basement office four year ago -- Or am I wrong about that?"</p>
<p>Scully looked back up into the dark hazel of his concerned gaze, the fact that he was right silencing any retort. she felt her fragile hold on her emotions slip completely out of her grasp as she shook her head slowly. "No. You're not wrong about that."</p>
<p>"OK then. Now come in, sit down and eat dinner and let's talk."</p>
<p>"I can't--" she whispered, refusing only because some of the tests tomorrow demanded that she fast the night before. </p>
<p>Mulder, of course, didn't know this. He just sighed in frustration, let go of her hand and turned away as Scully looked at the defeated posture of his back.</p>
<p>"Mulder, wait, please."  She reached out and touched his shoulder. As he turned back to her. His beautiful eyes looked down at her with such feeling and such confusion. "Mulder...you don't...I..." Scully felt her fragile hold on her emotions fail and they slipped away, completely out of her grasp. "Mulder...I…" Scully started to cry, something she'd so seldom done before in either his or anyone else's presence. </p>
<p>He reached out and pulled her close against him, enfolding her within his arms. Scully pressed hard into his lean body as she got lost in him, holding on as though drowning, which she was. Mulder leaned back against the wall behind him for support as he felt her begin to tremble as the sobs overtook her. He slowly sank to the floor holding her as close to him as he could as his heart broke at the sound of her tears. God, what was this?</p>
<p>As Scully cried, he didn't try to hush her or tell her repeatedly that whatever was wrong would somehow be "OK."  He just let her have her pain, and cradled her against him as she shook as the days upon days of built-up and deeply buried fear poured out of her. He moved his hands tenderly over her back and rocked her gently as he held her. </p>
<p>Finally, long minutes later, her tears began to ease as deep exhaustion overtook her and she lay more calmly against him as he sat with his back propped against the wall, their legs entangled. She never wanted to move from his arms as she sniffed and wiped the tears from her face.</p>
<p>"Scully, talk to me. Please," he finally asked carefully, after he'd given her some time.</p>
<p>She wondered where to begin, there was so much to explain about the last few days, about Leonard Betts, about Philadelphia, about what she was feeling and experiencing. But now, as she felt Mulder's touch, she knew she didn't need a long story. No one knew her as well as this man did, no one would understand as well as he would.</p>
<p>"Mulder," she raised her head from where it had been buried against his shirt to look at him directly. "Just before he attacked me, Leonard Betts told me…He said, 'you've got something that I need."</p>
<p>She watched as Mulder went visibly pale. "Oh God, Scully," he whispered as his shoulders sagged. He looked away a moment as the realization hit him just as hard as it had hit her. He inhaled a sharp breath then looked back. as he tightened his arms about her. "Do you know for sure?" he asked as he touched his fingers to her face, smoothing away the last of her tears, his fingers lingering after the job was done.</p>
<p>Scully shook her head. "That's where I'm going tomorrow Mulder, for the final tests."  She paused a moment then told him the whole truth, "but I'm very sure. I know. I can feel it." He just looked at her, clearly stunned at the news. </p>
<p>"Mulder..." Scully looked down and felt his hands smooth through her hair as he waited for her next words. "Mulder, even long before the Roche case every thought I had of the future included you. And now...now..." She stopped, unable to finish the sentence.</p>
<p>Mulder lifted her chin to look into her eyes. "Always, Scully," he promised her. "Your future will always include me, no matter what."  He slowly kissed her, warm and deep, sealing his pact with her. Scully gave herself up in his kiss, gave up to the delicious liquid feeling that spread like good whiskey through her veins. It was the first real feeling of pleasure she'd had since that night that seemed a life time ago. She trembled with the intensity of it and she held on to him for dear life, feeding on his strength of heart.</p>
<p>"Mulder, I've been so afraid," she said as an apology as he drew away. "When I went off to Philadelphia, I--"</p>
<p>"I've been afraid too, Scully. But at least now I know what I'm afraid of--I didn't before. I thought--” The tone of his voice asked something of her.</p>
<p>Scully nodded as she reached up to kiss him again, openly and fiercely, and he responded. Her hands moved up to hold his face as she took the affection and love that he offered her, returning it with her own kiss, brushing her lips to his mouth and his closed eyes. When she drew away, she felt breathless and she laid her head against his shoulder, feeling peaceful for just that moment, feeling almost hopeful, as she held on to him. They were each lost in the moment, in their own thoughts of what tomorrow would bring to each of them. The comfortable silence between them had returned.</p>
<p>"Have you told your mother yet?" he asked after a moment.</p>
<p>She understood where his mind had wandered. Mulder and her mother had grown close during her disappearance. And Scully knew that this new ordeal would be another thing they would go through together. She looked up at him, and wanting to ease his troubled expression, she smiled a little. "No, not yet. It was hard enough explaining how her good catholic daughter got drunk and ended up with a tattoo."</p>
<p>Mulder smiled gently at her black humor. "So, can I see?" he asked softly. "Or is it somewhere you can't show your partner?" he added teasingly, drawing from her a small, but real, laugh. The first he'd heard in a long time.</p>
<p>He could always do that for her, she thought. No matter how dark, Mulder could make her see some light. She turned from where she sat between his legs so that her back was to him and leaned forward so that Mulder could lift her shirt and see the tattoo low on her back. As he did so, she was suddenly reminded of their first case together so long ago, when she had shown him quite different marks on her lower back. Even then his touch had made her shiver as it did now.</p>
<p>"Haven't we done this once before?" he said, his voice easy as he remembered that other moment too. She felt Mulder's fingers against her skin as he gently touched the tattoo, tracing it lightly. "An Ouroboros," he said, recognizing the symbol immediately. "An eternal circle."  He dropped the shirt back into place and pulled her back against him. "That's right, Scully," he said quietly in her ear as she lay back against his chest.</p>
<p>"Mulder..."</p>
<p>"Scully," Mulder interrupted her explanation, he no longer had any need to know anything more about Philadelphia. "Scully, will you let me go to the hospital with you tomorrow?"</p>
<p>She shook her head. "Mulder, it's not that I don't want you at the hospital, I do."  She ran the back of her fingers down his cheek. "But you can help me more by covering my absence at that meeting. If we both don't show up, there'll be questions. And I just don't want anyone to know more than they need to right now about this. Protecting my privacy right now will do more to help me than having you sit for hours in a waiting room reading magazines while I go through a bunch of tests."   She took his hand in hers and felt his fingers tighten on hers in return. "And I need you to see that our work continues Mulder, it's important to me."  She smiled at him just a little. "The X-files may be my legacy and I don't want to lose it. So, I need you there to make sure that doesn't happen, will you do that for me?"</p>
<p>"If that's what you need me to do."</p>
<p>"It is."  She laid her head back against his chest. "Who knows, it may all be much ado about nothing, Mulder," she said bleakly. She felt him nod, knowing that he didn't believe it any more than she did, but indulging in the pleasant fiction with her. </p>
<p>They sat like that for the longest time, just looking openly and honestly at each other until Scully finally closed her eyes a moment as she laid her head back against his chest. She was exhausted and drained; physically and emotionally depleted. "I should go," she told him softly as she began to stir. "I need to get some rest for tomorrow."</p>
<p>Mulder nuzzled his face against her hair as he held on to her. "Rest here, Scully," he whispered into her ear. "Sleep here, stay."   Scully looked at him and nodded with no argument, knowing in her heart that there was no better rest for her ordeal tomorrow than sleeping in Mulder's embrace tonight.</p>
<p>He stood and brought her up to her feet, leading her to his bedroom where he gently sat her on the bed, touching her face as he turned away. Scully reached out and caught his hand, thinking he was heading to his couch. He turned back, "I'm not going anywhere," he assured her quietly. He simply closed the door, turned off the light and came back to her. Sitting on the edge of the bed he pulled off his shoes and then hers. They smiled rather shyly at each other in the moonlight that came in the window.</p>
<p>Mulder moved up on the bed and she turned back into his arms as he settled back against the pillows. "I'm not going anywhere, Scully" he said again softly and she nodded against his chest. It was not long until the steady rise and fall of his chest against her, the feel of his soothing hands and his physical warmth lulled her into sleep, the first real rest she'd had in two weeks.</p>
<p>But Mulder lay awake, holding his future against him and terrified as he'd never been at the possibility that one day his arms would be empty.</p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>The next afternoon, Scully stared at the bright wall on which hung her x-rays, CAT scans and other test results that had confirmed her darkest fears. The numbness was overwhelming and her mind just kept repeating the word, "No" as she searched desperately for some hope. This was going to take more strength than she knew she had at that moment so she picked up her phone and pressed the buttons with shaking fingers.</p>
<p>"Mulder, I need you," her voice catching slightly.</p>
<p>"Wait for me, Scully," came his soft, deep reply even as she heard the sadness in his voice. "I'll be right there for you."</p>
<p>And he was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>End Part II of III</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>To me, from their conversation at the beginning of Memento Mori, I believe that Mulder was already well aware of why Scully is there, he knows to ask for oncology, he brings her flowers.  He knows it’s serious.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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